


Void of Reason

by Jeanshard



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M, Prison AU, past rape of a non main character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-26
Updated: 2013-11-17
Packaged: 2017-12-24 17:53:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/942904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jeanshard/pseuds/Jeanshard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A reply to the KMM fill</p>
<p> 'Merlin is the prison doctor. Arthur is a convict. The only way to see him if he gets hurt.<br/>Merlin doesn't understand why Arthur Pendragon always gets dark bruises on his body.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Oh Pendragon, Didn't Know You Cared

Arthur Pendragon was the bain of Merlin’s life. Really, no exaggeration, Arthur Pendragon probably lived to make Merlin’s life difficult, and he did it without even noticing. Like now, he sat hunched over the chair Merlin had sat him on, his bloody muscular shoulders right there and his bloody golden hair just glowing. Stupidly handsome, reasonably charming and with a good sense of humour. He was basically perfect, entirely Merlin’s type, until he opened his mouth. Oh, and the small detail that he was one of Merlin’s patients (in a state prison) covered in bruises and arrested for attempted manslaughter. Little things.

“Jesus, Pendragon, the walls must be out to get you.” Merlin felt Arthur, goddamn it prisoner 2435, scoff underneath his fingers as he rubbed the salve into his skin. “Seriously, you think a big guy like you would be able to intimidate the others, I mean walls, to stop bothering you.”

“You’d think a small guy like you would be intimidated enough to stop mocking a big guy like me.” Arthur squirmed as Merlin placed his hands over the darkest smudge of bruising, still fresh and iced with, what looked to be, burst blood vessels.

“Cleary I could take you on; I haven’t been beaten up by inanimate objects since I was very drunk in college.” Behind him, Merlin could hear the prison guard roll his eyes, basically. “Anyway, that should be it.”

Merlin began wiping his hands on a piece of paper towel, sad to miss the heat of Arthur beneath his fingers.

“But I’m still sore.” How a man as large as Arthur could look and sound like a petulant five year old was another one of life’s mysteries Merlin could never solve (and not for lack of trying). “What kind of doctor are you if you can’t even make me feel better, Emrys?”

To answer that question, Merlin was a very tired, very hungry, very irritable and slightly aroused (not that he wanted to admit it) prison doctor, with a pathetic crush on an inmate. An inmate who had a very odd proclivity for getting himself beaten up by ‘tables’ and ‘walls’ (which Merlin sincerely doubted, unless tables and walls were now synonyms for other prisoners. Then yes, Merlin believed it).

“I’m the very second best the government money is willing to buy.” Merlin picked up Arthur’s chart, pretending to scan for important information as he snuck peeks to look over Arthur’s, ridiculously, muscular frame.

“You sound awfully proud of that title.” Arthur stood up, slowly, most likely still sore from his latest fun in with a group of ‘furniture’ and reached for his grey vest.

Merlin watched as the muscles along Arthur’s back rippled (he was only human) and considered is attempted manslaughter was really all that bad. (Yes, logically. But when Arthur was giving him that crooked smile with his surprisingly white teeth all logic was almost beaten to death with a pair of fists. Ironically, that’s what Arthur was in for.)

“Well, it’s no attempted manslaughter, but it’s not bad.” When Merlin had first insulted Pendragon, said attempted manslaughter-er, he’d watched as Arthur had an internal battle between laughter and boiling hot anger. Thankfully for Merlin, and Arthur- who would have been tackled to the floor by Will the guard if not- Arthur had chosen to laugh. Now the two of them had settled into an easy banter, but the guards often told Merlin that when Arthur finally did snap they were just going to watch.

“Emrys that is not how you talk to a hardened criminal.” The small smile which had been playing on Arthur’s lips was washed away as Will snapped the manacles over his wrists and began to drag him away.

“Pendragon, hardened criminals do not come to see the Doctor every three days because they’ve lost yet another fight.”

“Why do you assume I’m fighting Emrys? I’m hurt at the very notion you believe me to be violent!” Merlin felt himself chuckle as Arthur, prisoner 2435 damn it, held a hand to his chest and fluttered his eyes.

Not for the first time, Merlin wondered just how much trouble he would be in for getting, or giving, actually, a sneaky blow job with Arthur during the next check-up.

A lot of trouble, Merlin resolved, but god it would be worth it.

“Jesus Merlin, hold in your drool would you? Cendred’s coming in and if he sees you with that mooning face a pack of ninjas wouldn’t be able to stop him from clambering up you like a tree.”

“Sexy, Will.” Merlin gave the table a quick wipe down, as a perverted (very perverted) part of him was sad to be wiping away the Arthur fibres on the chair. (This is why you’re single, Merlin.) “Anyway, I do not moon.”

“Oh, so it’s pure lust? At least that’s easier to deal with than actual affection. But even so, I think you could set your standards a little higher than 2435.” Will spat the words out, with a face like thunder. “I mean, if bad boys are your thing I hear there’s a quadruple homicide coming in. And if it’s just the allure of the inmate may I suggest an embezzler?”

“Thank you for your everlasting wisdom, Will, please go guide in the next patient then kindly swallow your own tongue.”

***

It wasn’t that Arthur was handsome, Merlin was surrounded by lots of handsome guys, most of whom were straight or married, or god forbid both, and therefore just as hands off as Arthur. It wasn’t just that Pendragon looked like a modern Adonis (although it didn’t really do any harm), no, it was something all the more dangerous together.

It wasn’t just that when he laughed Merlin could fear laughter bubbling through him, or that Arthur somehow always smelt of rain, or that Arthur could distract Merlin from all his worries in real life, or that he never attacked or spat on Merlin (unlike every other inmate.)

No, it was much worse. Arthur was addictive. Like meth, really, something your parents would be horrified to find you interested in and frowned on by society at large, with good reason. And addictive. So bloody addictive. For some reason, Merlin found himself craving Arthur’s cynical sense of humour, his not-really-angry glares, his dark laughs, his rippling muscles… Merlin shook himself back to dealing with the patient. Pathetic, he really was mooning.

And no matter how many times Merlin chanted a mantra of ‘Arthur tried to beat a man to death with his bare fists’ he couldn’t help but hold his pathetic crush on Pendragon anyway. There wasn’t even any point of harbouring the hope that Arthur was innocent, he had given a full confession and seemed oddly proud at the bodily harm he’s inflicted on the other guy. Usually, Merlin would just convince himself the other guy deserved it and Arthur was secretly a hero. These times often clashed with when Arthur was sat in front of him shirtless.

But right now, there was a scarily large, very scarily large, inmate who had the nickname ‘the twink terminator’ was hunched over a stool, proudly flashing a shank scar. His name, ironically, was something stupid like Valiant.

“Quit looking at me like that, faggot, and give me some fucking pills so I go back to my room for a piss.” 

It wasn’t really that hard to see what Merlin liked about Arthur, seeing as he spent all week in various stages of abuse from prison inmates from around the country because he’s pissed off his boss. He was supposed to be in a posh hotel for his experience, but after giving putting his foot in his mouth over one too many charity dinner, Gaius had allocated him the job of taking care of ‘the dregs of society.’ Arthur was one of the five people who did not actively threaten Merlin, and meaning it.

“Did you hear what I said, fucker?” Merlin gave a non-committal grunt as he began to measure out the tranquilliser, no medicine for Valiant. “Faggot, look at me when I talk. Hey!” Merlin took a cautionary step away, but too late. The inmate had thrown his arm forward and caught the side of Merlin’s face, hard enough for Merlin to white out but not enough for him to miss the guard tackle Valiant to the ground.

***

“What the hell happened to you?” Arthur startled as he saw Merlin, who usually looked fucking edible, currently looked like he’d been in a fight with a bear, and lost. The usually pale face of Merlin was now stark white, his clothes crumpled and a huge blue mass around his left eye. Merlin, who usually played along with Arthur’s jokes, flinched like Arthur had raised a knife to him, which despite numerous threats was yet to actually occur.

“Would you believe I had a run in with a door?” Arthur recognized the lazily created excuse he would usually give to Merlin explaining his injuries. But in all honesty, Arthur felt as though Merlin’s was not as ridiculous as his own.

“No.”

“That’s a shame.” Inwardly, Arthur hissed at the obvious dismissal in Merlin’s tone. Outwardly, he stripped off and leaned over the chair, eager to hide his soon to be raging erection and for-some-reason-more embarrassing blush by burrowing in the chair. “So… What’s the offending piece of furniture this time?”

Arthur really regretted having come up with the stupid excuse about walking into a wall, then a chair, then a table, then a door, which was stupid, because there weren’t really any doors in a prison. But he especially regretted that he had spent months in a constant loop of repeating clichéd excuses that made him sound like a battered wife.

But sounding like a battered wife was a million times better than telling the real excuse.

“A hybrid, actually, the chair was nailed to the floor and I hit my back of both.” If Merlin thought it weird the accidents almost always occurred on his back, he’d only commented on it sixteen times. Arthur counted, he counted almost everything Merlin did. It was a bit of an obsession, but seeing as he was already in prison he decided his punishment was pre-served. “But never mind that, who did that to you?”

“Jesus I’ve already told Leon that two hundred- hey! Nice try, Pendragon.” Arthur could feel himself hold back a purr as he felt Merlin touch his skin, but for once he needed to focus.

Leon shouldn’t be too hard to bribe, really.

“Emrys, stop playing the martyr, it doesn’t suit you.” Pride burst through Arthur as he heard Merlin chuckle. “Just tell me who did that to your face and I’ll have a word with them.”

“That sounds terribly God Father like.” That was another thing Arthur liked about Merlin, all his references were quite old, therefore relatable to Arthur, who had spent the last seven years cut off from society. “Pendragon, stop playing the hero, another twenty years in here will not suit you.”

Sometimes Arthur wondered if Merlin thought he were guilty. Ok, everyone thought he was guilty, but he wondered if Merlin condemned him like everyone else. Arthur didn’t regret beating up Cedric, exactly, especially not at times like these when Merlin was rubbing his back and humming some song Arthur recognized from when he was thirteen. Since getting to know Merlin, Arthur regretted very few of the decisions that got him near the dark haired man.

“Oh Emrys, didn’t know you cared.” As Merlin’s hands slipped lower, circling around Arthur’s stomach, the blonde felt his dick swell a little at the contact. 

The one thing Arthur didn’t like about meeting Merlin was that it made it fucking impossible to have ill-advised blowjobs in the shower rooms. Despite the fact he’d never even touched Merlin with his hands, every time he tried to have a quick fuck he felt guilt swirl in his tummy, and whoever he was with turned into a sad Merlin and he’d go limp. So, for months, Arthur had to jack off in the painfully public showers or the beds, alone. No one ever bothered Arthur though, he was big enough to fight off any unwanted attention and well enough connected that he was not worth messing with.

“You know Arthur, just because you’re almost a cold blooded killer doesn’t mean you need to be beaten blue every few days.” No, Arthur made sure he was superficially bruised every few days because he had an oddly pathetic crush on a lanky doctor who was way out of his league.

“Your pep talks really carry me through.” Arthur hoped Merlin didn’t really see him like that, some useless thug, some cretin or whatever other titles he had managed to collect whilst getting in here.

Jesus Merlin was so good with his hands. Arthur felt himself begin to support a full on erection, and tried to discreetly grind into the chair to take the edge off. He wondered what Merlin would do if he noticed, would he be repulsed or turned on? Arthur assumed it was probably too much to hope for that Merlin would straddle him there and then, strip down so Arthur could clearly see his milky skin and jutting bones, instead of the few peeks he got when Merlin stretched. Would Merlin top or bottom? Because Arthur would be willing to do either, the thought of even getting to see Merlin splayed out and naked was enough to have him groaning into the chair. But, it would have to remain it his imagination, after all it sounded like the plot to a bad porno.

Coincidentally, it also sounded like Arthur’s wank fantasy of the week.


	2. Do Not Get Ideas, Arthur

“Arthur, you’re my friend, but I really can’t tell you that kind of thing.”

“We both know you’re going to tell me, Leon, so save me some dignity from begging?” Leon had been a friend of Arthur’s from university, rugby team. Arthur was more thankful for this friendship than any of his others, because Leon would usually smuggle in food for him, make special allowances, bring in news from the outside world and was remarkably easy to bribe. And black mail, but that lead to a pouty, moany Leon and Arthur could not be bothered with that.

“Arthur, I have already told you who hit Merlin; I cannot tell you where they keys to his cell are. Shank him in the courtyard like in the movies. I was kidding, swipe that look of your face.” Leon was one of the most noble and sweet people Arthur knew, until Arthur promised a date with Mithian (who Leon pined after like Arthur pined after Merlin).

“Leon, I am not some common thug.”

Arthur could have sworn he heard Leon mutter something along the lines of ‘a court would think otherwise.’

*

 

Despite the various testimonies that had featured during his trial, Arthur Pendragon was not a violent man. 

He had his limits, of course, but everyone did. Arthur would lie dormant for weeks, years, until something pulled him so tight he would snap and when he did, things tended to go to shit.

This was what had led to the night where Arthur Pendragon, once future king of the business empire, to the beating of the lowlife scum Cedric. Who, no matter how many people said otherwise, deserved every bloody punch, broken bone and damaged nerve Arthur could land on him.

The weights above Arthur dropped up and sailed down effortlessly, a quick procession that barely made him break a sweat. He wondered if Merlin liked muscly guys, or someone weedy like himself. Would he want someone clever, like he thought he was? Hopefully, Merlin had a thing for bad guys, but probably not as bad as Arthur.

It was times like these he regretted the actions he took, when he thought of the life he could have had if he hadn’t. Where would he be right now? Probably CEO of a large company, with a healthy relationship and a nice apartment in the city. Or a cottage in the country, he wasn’t fussy.

But, would he have met Merlin? It was ridiculous, to be so adoring of someone he didn’t really know, of someone who had to be nice to him. But when Merlin smiled, Arthur could forget that he hadn’t felt fresh grass in years, that he hadn’t had a beer in forever, that he had missed his sister’s wedding and his own life. He could lose himself in the cerulean eyes, that pale skin, those gorgeous dimples, and those full lips-

He was thirty years old now, but thankfully his life was still salvageable. He had less than a year left in here; his charge for grievous bodily harm was severe and unfair in the eyes of many. Arthur had actually managed to make some decent friends in here, and make some connections his father would probably be proud of in later months.

He regretted being left in here, he wished he hadn’t missed his own life, he wished he wasn’t so broken and so… stuck. He wished he had been able to have all the good things life had coming. He didn’t hate it here like others did, but he knew there was so much more to have. Sometimes he wished it had never happened.

Even if Cedric totally, one hundred and ten per cent deserved it.

***

Because he had almost killed someone, and his father was quite influential, Arthur had a room to himself. No room mate, no one to look out for and no one to look out for him, at least once the bars locked.

Which suited his needs perfectly.

Because it also meant there was no one to watch Arthur as he brought himself off, dry hand working over his dick as he stifled the moaning of the word 'Merlin' into his hand and finished with a quick shout.

Arthur was surprisingly boring and vanilla, and before he'd come here his fantasies had been the same. But after years of being starved of affection, his little scenarios had become kinkier and all centred around a certain pouty lipped Doctor.

Arthur had recently decided Merlin was a total bottom (with a little frame like that and the way he walked, that was certain). Arthur had also, selfishly, come to the conclusion Merlin would make a tonne of noises during sex (because he never shut the hell up in real life) but instead of snarky replies they would be moans of 'oh god' 'yes' and most importantly 'Arthur!' (Arthur was not so much an egomaniac, but an optimist.)

After cleaning himself off and lying down to catch some sleep, Arthur decided on a few things.

1\. He really, really needed to seduce Merlin, asap

2\. Less than a year was not a terribly long wait

3\. Imagining what Merlin sounded like during sex was not nearly enough at this point

4\. Merlin had the most gorgeous eyes he'd ever seen

5\. And skin, it was like a bloody medieval princess or something

And, most importantly:

6\. He would be needing to see the Doctor very, very soon


	3. Glowering Guards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> game of thrones spoilers in this part (season one and parts of two)

When Arthur had first been found guilty, he’d gone numb. He wasn’t surprised, not really, but still- it was a shock to know you would be a bird in a cage for eight years of your life.

When Arthur had first reached the prison, he had felt exhausted. Like he was in a dream, too macabre and slow for a nightmare, and so unattached from the normality of Arthur’s life it couldn’t possibly be real.

After a few days, he felt irritated.

After weeks, he became angry.

In a month, he was boiling beneath his skin in anger. His sentence was too harsh, the bastard he’d hurt didn’t die, even though he deserved to, and Arthur would be lolling like a canary in a cage for years for his own brand of justice.

When Arthur had first seen Merlin, he felt the world cool down and his heart still.

Moments before, he’d been spitting with rage and hate, filled with poison of his own creation and desperate to purge himself of the feeling by anyway necessary. A fight, hurting someone else, hurting himself, hitting, screaming, kicking, anything that would make his muscles scald like his thoughts did.

And he’d been taken to a Doctor, told it was a different one that before, and was furious he wouldn’t have his old family friend, deciding to be as much of a jack ass as possible to the new guy and then…

He’d seen eyes that were as calm as Arthur wanted to be, hands that didn’t shake when Arthur snapped, a face that didn’t snarl or smirk when he looked at Arthur, a body that didn’t curdle away in disgust, and Arthur had never felt more content than he had then.

A few weeks later, when Arthur was in for a dental and had mocked the man’s ears to get a retort back about his crooked teeth, it was the first time someone had made him laugh in two and a half months, without it being forced or nervous. Arthur had been so surprised he’d forgotten to breath when he laughed, and Merlin had needed to help him gain his breath back.

There was something incredibly special about a person if they could make you lose your air and find it again.

And the third time Arthur had visited was the real hook. He’d been in a bit of a scrap, nothing serious but they wanted him checked out anyway, and the way Merlin was tender but not delicate with him was enough for Arthur to know there was something so special in the lithe Doctor, something so addictive, Arthur would do whatever it took to be near him. Even if only for a few moments.

***

Will never liked any of the prison shows he saw on TV.

They were painfully unrealistic, the criminals were either Robin Hood style heroes or monsters worthy of nothing but revulsion. And that was ridiculous, because Will had worked in a prison for six years and he could honestly tell you he had never met an inmate entirely evil or lovable.

No matter what his (insane, stupid, painfully romantic) friend might think about a blond haired twat, none of them were lovable.

Will muttered to himself, flicking through the channels but only finding shows about Doctors or crime, to areas he quite liked to forget. He loved Merlin, in the way you love a twin, he was the person Will was closest to in the world and Will appreciated their friendship more than his mini fridge (which was a hell of a lot), but the last few months had been painful.

Merlin always had a thing for bad boys. Will had hoped he’d grow out of it, like teenage girls did, yet more than fifteen years after his first guy with a motor bike it had only gotten worse. And Will could put up with Merlin drooling after petty criminals, theft, tax dodger or whatever, who Merlin only liked for their tattoos and scars (or whatever he liked) but then…

Someone who Will could have picked as Merlin’s perfect person came along. Someone who actually liked and appreciated Merlin’s wit, and had a lot of his own, someone clever and handsome (Will was comfortably straight enough to admit it) and someone who obviously adored Merlin back.

This someone also happened to have almost killed a person.

This someone was obviously suffering from a crap tonne of repressed issues. This someone was reaching disturbing heights in his efforts to spend time with Merlin. This person was a criminal. This person ALMOST KILLED SOMEONE and had somehow made Merlin ignore it.

Even if the person he hurt was a right bastard, Will did not want him getting the chance to even lay a scratch on Merlin.

“Will, pick a channel for the love of God.” Even if Merlin was a whiny shit.

“You’re not even watching it.” Will muttered. Merlin had his face burrowed in a medical book, because he was always studying something or another. That was another thing, Merlin was in and leading himself to a bright future, and he’d end up single handedly curing cancer and the cold in one vaccination. Having a jail bird boyfriend who would probably have to leach off him and lead him to drugs was not going to make that happen.

“I can hear it, Will.”

“Sorry to offend your delicate sensibilities, Merlin, but it’s my TV so suck it up.”

“I pay for the sky, though.” Merlin mumbled, but he didn’t mind enough to stand up and do anything, so Will kept scrolling.

The title sequence to Game of Thrones came up, and it was exciting enough news that Merlin dropped his books and latched his eyes to the screen.

It was a rare programme that had enough male and female eye candy and a decent plot that it actually kept the two of them entertained and quiet for an entire hour. Will didn’t even think about how ridiculous Merlin’s little romance was again until his friend had dropped off to sleep.

***

Arthur way lying down again, as Merlin rubbed the ointment into his back and talked excitedly about a TV show.

“Right, Ok, so Joffrey forces Sansa to look at the head of her dad, Ned and he says…”

Arthur closed his eyes, letting Merlin’s excited voice fall and rise like the lulling of waves. It was sweet, how excited he got about an imaginary world, how wrapped up he was in the plot of the TV show Arthur had lied about being an avid fan of.

He’d seen an episode, and the book was somewhere in a ‘to read’ list, but he didn’t see the need in following the story when he got Merlin’s avid retelling of it. Merlin could make the death of a noble man sound enjoyable.

“And then the hound nods at Joffey-” Merlin an almost feel the concentration in Merlin’s eyes, the babbling sound he makes when he’s excited is so genuine it makes Arthur smile too.

The moment would be perfect, if it weren’t for the guard glowering from the corner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone has any ideas for plot direction let me know, I have the skeleton of this thing but feel like I can't write until I get the organs, you know? Sorry I am a terrible updater-er


	4. Anchor and Buoy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY I DON'T KNOW HOW THIS HAPPENED
> 
> HAS IT BEEN THAT LONG?
> 
> OK, so I know this isn't a lot, but more's coming. I just wanted to update to give faith to all you lovely people
> 
> Thanks for all you patience, kindness and attention
> 
> Next chapter is under way with a HUUUGE plot movment

“All laid out, so pretty for me.” Arthur moaned. Beneath him, Merlin squirmed along the table, sweat soaked and needy.

Merlin stretched up, legs straining and eyes blue, so desperate for friction from Arthur. He was rock hard; cock a gorgeous slender shape, so suited to the rest of him. Arthur’s own cock was still wet, previously having been lavished by Merlin’s mouth. Arthur had to give the base a quick squeeze to stop from coming now.

Although, Merlin would look beautiful, pale skin laced with paler streaks of Arthur.

Arthur shook his head. They could do it another time like that, but not now. Not after he’d gotten Merlin (and himself) so wound up. Not after he’d bent down to stretch Merlin open with his tongue, his fingers. There was only one way to go now.

Arthur held himself, pressing in to the furnace that was Merlin.

“You’re so tight, M.” Arthur whispered. He pulled back, making his thrusts gentle at first. Merlin soon clenched, fucking himself down on to Arthur and begging for:

“More.” Merlin rasped. “Fuck, please.” Arthur shivered, going faster and leaning down to smash a kiss with too much teeth on to Merlin’s mouth. “Feel you for days.” Merlin hissed.

“You want to walk around knowing I’ve fucked you?” In response, Merlin gulped. “People will see you limp, they’ll know you spread your legs and begged to be taken. Fucked raw, so desperate for me to fill you up?”

Arthur was hitting hard now, adjusting himself so he grazed Merlin’s prostate with each touch. He would be punished for the teasing later, but watching Merlin mewl so desperately now made it worth it.

“Do you want people to know what a desperate little cock slut you are? How keenly you begged for me?”

“Yes, Arthur!” Merlin shuttered himself, moving so now each stab of Arthur nailed his prostate. Arthur found it hard to care as Merlin’s eyelids fluttered and he began to moan loudly.

“So gorgeous like this.” Arthur whispered as he dragged his teeth along the pale expanse of neck. “So perfect for me.”

Merlin came, with a yelp, and clenched down on Arthur inside him so quickly Arthur felt himself let go at the same time.

Before he had time for another kiss, or a word, or even to check Merlin was alright, he woke up with his hand sticky in a prison cell.

“Fuck.” He whispered in to the paper mattress.

***

Will watched, mildly entertained at watching Pendragon’s face fall as he walked in to the doctor’s office.

“Where’s Merlin?” The blond growled. The guard at the door, Freya, rolled her eyes and smirked to herself. If there was someone else not entirely deluded by Arthur, Will would need to join forces with them. He made a mental note to ask Freya later.

“Ill.” Will said back.

“Will he be alright?” Arthur said back, looking far too concerned. The fact that Arthur wasn’t evil made it far harder for Will to write him off entirely.

“It’s just a cold.” Will scoffed. That wasn’t true; it was quite a bad flu. Will just had a feeling that if he told Arthur that, the man would escape from prison to buy Merlin soup.

Arthur grunted, and heaved himself on to the chair. Will had no bloody idea how he was getting himself so mangled so often. In honour of Merlin, he’d been on the lookout for Arthur being abused, but it was clear Arthur was an alpha dog in the prison.

Will wished he could be an ass hole alpha dog. That he’d exchange drugs or bully, do something so Will could explain to Merlin why a guilty convict was not appropriate. Or himself, because for some reason he got the feeling Pendragon could be decent.

He did not want to have to share his flat with Arthur.

Gaius, the other prison doctor, came in and began to check Arthur over. Will could, at least, have a small sense of satisfaction seeing Arthur snarl to himself at Merlin’s absence.

Oddly enough, Arthur didn’t visit as often knowing he would be under the bony old hands of Gaius and not the star struck gaze of Merlin.

***

Merlin did not like being sick even at the best of times.

Well, he loved skiving off work. But as he vomited his lunch (from two days ago) in to the bin, he cursed the God of sickness. Sadist.

But especially now, it felt like a cross to bear. Because Arthur would be out of prison in a few measly weeks. Ignoring the fact Merlin was a little evil for wanting him to stay, it was agonisingly unfair. His job had actually become bearable now, the few hours a month he got to spend with Arthur creating a stretch of perfection. A lifeline for when he was being beaten down by the bloody monotonous waves on a shore.

He didn’t hate his life, not by any stretch of imagination. But he just always felt like it was so *boring.* He knew Will thought he had a fascination with bad boys, but Merlin couldn’t help but love that rush.

That wasn’t what Arthur was to him, though. Not at all. Because Arthur had done a bad thing, but it didn’t make him a bad boy. Anyway, Arthur was mature and educated, a man and not a boy. It didn’t even matter he was handsome, really. Merlin thought it was his personality that made him seem so gorgeous, so mind numbing and unforgettable.

If he was honest, Merlin was holding out hope for them meeting when Arthur was out and settled. If Arthur was gay, and Merlin had been a bit bad and scrolled through the internet to find out he was. But Arthur was actually listed under Gaius as a ‘patient’ so Merlin wasn’t classing his actions as stalking but curiosity. Or research, whichever was less creepy.

If Arthur was actually, interested (which felt like a huge stretch of imagination) then there was no reason, really, that he and Merlin couldn’t at least meet up.

Even as friends. Merlin didn’t want to lose the anchor and buoy he found in Arthur’s personality.

Merlin threw up once more, worrying for his sanity as he dreamt of a merman Arthur swimming up to save him.

“Arthur, what pretty fins you have.” Merlin slurred, falling asleep again.

***

Arthur was sat in his room, growing frustrated at not having seen Merlin in so long. He was torn in between hoping the other man wasn’t too ill and cursing him with the plague. Because he’d left Arthur alone to pine for absolutely months (a week and a half) and Arthur was getting sick of it.

He was running his thoughts ragged for another reason, too.

He would be out soon. In theory, it should be one of the best feelings in his life. It should be a breath of fresh air after years of dank. But Arthur was worried he would be losing something far more than he’d be gaining.

When his friends visited him, they reminded him soon he would be ‘free.’ It was so stupid of him, to doubt if they knew what they meant. Arthur had felt so trapped in his other life, outside. He was constantly at the beck and call of his father, fretting over Morgana, avoiding the worried questions of his friends and buried under a load of work.

Not that prison had been a vacation home or anything, but he had felt himself relax whilst here.

It wasn’t even the flurry of life outside that worried him, but the fact he worried he would lose Merlin. It was hardly as though he could say:

‘Well, now I’m no longer being punished for basically kicking a man within an inch of his life, we should get a drink!’

Because that would be weird and terrifying.

Whilst he was in here, Arthur could see Merlin a few times a week. Talk to Merlin, be touched by him and be near him. He didn’t know if Merlin was doing it simply because it was his job. He didn’t know if Merlin really only tolerated him. He didn’t know enough to justify himself to Merlin, at all.

He did know that he really did love the skinny idiot. That Arthur didn’t need the feel of grass when he had felt Merlin’s palms. He didn’t need a sunset when he could see the blush on Merlin’s skin. He didn’t need fresh air or rain when it was what he smelt of Merlin. Arthur knew he did not love Merlin because there wasn’t anything else in here for him. There wasn’t anything else in here for him because Merlin was.

It probably wasn’t healthy, the complete adoration he had of Merlin. The fact he saw Merlin as something possible, a future Arthur could probably never have.

He could never convince himself of this enough to stop, though.

Especially as there was a rumour going round Merlin was back in.

***

“Thought you’d died.” Arthur mumbled. Merlin smiled from behind the clipboard. “Where were you?”

“Top secret government information.” Merlin said back, nod dutiful. “I’m not at liberty to tell.” He began scanning the room for the usual things needed to help try and cover the marks on Arthur.

“You can trust me.” Arthur argued. Merlin wondered why he looked so pleased as he lay down on the small table.

“I hear prisoners are societies most trust worthy.” Merlin agreed, somehow both sarcastic and sage. “Anyway, what’s up this time.”

“Usual order.” Arthur hummed back. Arthur had accidentally thrown himself against the wall a bit too hard, this time. The bruises were usually just superficial, but he’d done a bit more this time. He just. He really wanted to see Merlin.

God, he was pathetic.

***

“Arthur.” Morgana had looked so hurt, so confused and so scared. “I am so sorry. But, please.”

He couldn’t not do this for her. Not after the last time she had said ‘please’ and it had been used against her.

For Arthur not to reveal the reason he had attacked Cedric so violently was damning him to a long stretch in prison. It was sending away his life, because Morgana needed his purpose to be a secret.

“It’s Ok, Morgs.” He whispered to his younger sister. He couldn’t do anything else. Not when her eyes were still puffy, when she still didn’t want to be touched and she still couldn’t look in the mirror. Not when she was so ashamed and scared she couldn’t tell the police the name of the bastard who did this to her.

No, Arthur was many things. He was a man who had gone out with every intention to kill Cedric. He was a man who would happily of watched that bastard bleed out, choke, burn, drown a hundred times over.

Arthur was not a person who forced other people’s secrets to life. He knew, he knew that right now Morgana could not have the world know what Cedric had done to her. Morgana was hurt and so frightened, and Arthur wouldn’t force her in to anything else.

But he still remembered the sound of her open sobbing when the judge had declared Arthur ‘guilty’ in a voice like stone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> p.s i hope it's ok?
> 
> p.p. s i have this habit of losing all writing motivation and confidence, and thats what happened here... so so so sorry
> 
> oh p.p.p.s Im working on a modern magical AU where Merlin is a Siren... I have almost 8,000 words over two chapters, i was wondering if i should upload as a wip and keep going or wait until it's done? any help lovingly received


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